Yes, today Im talking about baby elephants… Im a non grey medium sized human type elephant… but all negatives aside.. Guess what? I got beat!
Tonight I attended my first Hiphop class. I was excitedly scared! Instantly I came face to face with my 1st true hate: A mirror. God I hate mirrors.. I hate looking at myself in them I think they are dumb and in all cases my arse looks big, my hips look wide and my face looks all mushed up. Anyway then we started….
So the warm up consisted of what I like to respectfully call Egypian head movements, which in my case looked like a hens head clucking around looking for feed in the middle of a dance studio. Then this was synchronized (haha yer right!) pevic thrusts forward, backward, left, right and all around. During the warm up I noticed that there was a father observing the class with his daughter who wanted to join the children session on Saturdays. Slowing dying inside of embarrassment I continued with my robotic head bopping and geriatric hip movements… Yeah I know sexy! So in my ambition to give the father a cheap thrill I continued to dance with the rest of the ladies… Up down and all around Yeeeeha! WAIT It was HipHop class – so that should be ‘Yo Bitchaz Im down wit me shit, Yo!’
Once the warm up was done and that I realised that all my pilates and yoga and basketball training had been lost. We started some choreography. Beginners class my bootie! There I was jumping around like a cross between a baby elephant and a Mexican jumping bean.Just great! So now not only was I thrusting all around but I was bending down, over and around and then we turned a couple of times and I turned into the wall (‘Hi Wall!’, I said to myself – trying to humour myself to hide my patheticness) Then we did this other move – well the teacher told me the name but I call it the superwoman pose… you stand on one leg and put the opposite leg and arm outwards. DA DA SUPERCARLA! Ah yes then I zoomed into the wall again…. Then I learned this horse trot thingy – Unbelievably I was good at that!
I learned a number of things actually: I also learned to count to 8 and steps are so much easier without music….Oh yeah and when you forget your steps… my philosophy is stand there and do the chicken dance… it seemed to amuse my teacher and the other ladies so it was all cool!
After egyianing, thrusting, super womaning, horse trotting I think I got the hang of it and I cant wait for my next class! All in all I think I bring quite a bit of originality to the art of dance!
